with enemies like me, who needs friends
waiting for my ride to get here to take off for the beach for lunch and started re-reading my blog. why am i so hard on myself? i say i want to write like a world-class writer but why do i say that? am i not a wc writer? why do i compare myself to others? what is this exalted position i strive for? by constant comparison i will only continue to build up the fear and conflict that i am seeking to understand. i have to accept the fact that as much as i would love to express myself a la harvard-educated jane, i cannot. i can only use words to create the most intoxicating prose my mind will allow. limitations and all. i'm not a bad writer but need to improve. enjoy others' writings while not belittling my own.
my mind is calmly processing different thoughts right now. had lunch w/some chicks from work at cruisers. the bestest burgers i have ever had. hands down! the cheesey fries w/bacon bits and ranch dressing were little starch orgasms i want to keep having. during convo, j reminds me that my tl is due to return on monday. along with this information, she proceeds to tell me that she is a bitch, watch out for her and if she picks on you, she will be merciless. the seed of negative/dull ache was planted and was fermenting all day until i came home and faced the oh so familiar gnawing emotional see-saw. i have to admit for whatever reason j intimidates me. of all the tl's she was the lone one who took the efford to introduce herself to me. i have to respect her for that. the feedback i have received from her has been fair and constructive. i have no reason to feel intimidated or fear going to work on monday but i do. why? because my mind captures only the unfavorable data. this is a weakness i am working on. now how do i feel? much better. i meditated earlier and faced this concern. after all, who contols me? certainly not j or j. i control me. the only thing i can do is go in on mon. do my best job possible and give j the same fair chance she extended to me in the past.
what other feelings took root today? mostly sleepiness and a longing & admiration for a certain freckled-face young lass. i owe her a humongous debt of gratitude for the information she has so unselfishly laid on my lap. my blueprint that i will use now.
my mind is calmly processing different thoughts right now. had lunch w/some chicks from work at cruisers. the bestest burgers i have ever had. hands down! the cheesey fries w/bacon bits and ranch dressing were little starch orgasms i want to keep having. during convo, j reminds me that my tl is due to return on monday. along with this information, she proceeds to tell me that she is a bitch, watch out for her and if she picks on you, she will be merciless. the seed of negative/dull ache was planted and was fermenting all day until i came home and faced the oh so familiar gnawing emotional see-saw. i have to admit for whatever reason j intimidates me. of all the tl's she was the lone one who took the efford to introduce herself to me. i have to respect her for that. the feedback i have received from her has been fair and constructive. i have no reason to feel intimidated or fear going to work on monday but i do. why? because my mind captures only the unfavorable data. this is a weakness i am working on. now how do i feel? much better. i meditated earlier and faced this concern. after all, who contols me? certainly not j or j. i control me. the only thing i can do is go in on mon. do my best job possible and give j the same fair chance she extended to me in the past.
what other feelings took root today? mostly sleepiness and a longing & admiration for a certain freckled-face young lass. i owe her a humongous debt of gratitude for the information she has so unselfishly laid on my lap. my blueprint that i will use now.
posted by be who you are at 11:55 AM
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