coffee on a saturday nite

listening to tsunami bomb while high. so far, been high only about 6 minutes and hope this is not some of the truth serum. i hope this stuff isn't gonna augment my desolation. i want to forget for now. although that's the wrong answer and maybe my cloudy mind will come into focus after all.

i hope as it goes on, i will do the requisite jumping from this to that to avoid any sort of reality back-handed slap. my funereal saturday creeps on.

about an hour ago, i was journaling some of my more desperate yet accurate thoughts and laine texted me. a smile came to my face when i read it was from her during my most bloody moments. i should use that as part of the catalyst to get out of my mood but i can't. i cannot. i don't know who or what controls my brain any longer. i am high right now and am kind of freaking out that i've smoked. this cannot under any circumstance become a quotidian habit.

the way that you shine-
your life is your own!
the way that you shine-
you can take control!
the way that you shine-
we don't want you to go!

simple chorus/endless power.

taking one of many krishnamurti gems i am trying to wear, i will focus on the *now* and not think about the past nor worry about the future. i will enjoy my momentary present condition & allow tomorrow to come with unspoiled promise.