epiphanies 'r us

God is:

a) God
b) myself
c) fake
d) dead
e) none of the above

I am still not concrete convinced this can be answered. Last nite during Coldplay's brilliant performance on PBS, I had one. A big one. I am Agnostic. There's not enough convincing evidence from either side to permanently sway my opinion. I can't say God in the way we try to define him/her/it exists. I just don't know. No one knows...or do they? Well, there's your problem; NO ONE KNOWS. I don't care if you're the pope or pagan follower, no one can rest their case. Admitting this to myself and then to paper and now to this page is surreal yet liberating. I've been hungry for so long, I am now piling mountain-sized helpings onto my buffet plate. So much lays before me, my eyes ache at the overabundance yet my mind wills me to eat. Suffering from starvation was I.

Is God just an idea/an escape; a projection of ourselves clothed in certain forms of nobility & holiness that we cling to to make it through life? Are we diluting our intelligence with the whole "well, this is beyond my puny brain. I can't comprehend it so it must have been created by a higher being". If that's the case, surely we will never know of God. How is it possible that our minsicule minds with all the shortcomings, hatred, judgments can comprehend something as all encompassing as the Western definition of God? Why is God restricted to just the good and just? Must we follow his Son's teachings to make his acquaintance? Are we predestined to be either "good" or "bad"? Where does free-will fit into this preordained scheme? If God created this world, is not everything infused with his spirit making him everywhere. Are the flowers & streams & fallen heroes not worthy of our & God's love and admiration? If he created us in his image, why do we not love ourselves and love our fellow man & our planet? Is this idea just a story told many centuries ago to compete with other mythologies and to provide an escape from political & social persecution? Is it a fable the poor & sick cling to in hopes of being rewarded in the afterlife as has been promised? Is the longing for this afterlife contrary to the idea of not coveting what you don't have? How do we know our Christian teachings are right? What about Eastern thought where the empashis is on the man more than some non-corporeal being. Have they been wrong all along? Are they going to hell? Are we going to heaven? What exactly is heaven & hell? Living in this world is hard & turbulent; cold and painful; is this not a version of hell? Spending time with friends and loved ones result in true contenment; is this not a version of heaven. Why do I say 'version'? Because we have been taught since Sunday School that we are preparing for something greater; something we cannot comprehend...or are we? Theses are questions I am eager to decipher.