ikiru

i haven't been this scared in a long time and i'm so unprepared so here's your valentine. bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody. this world's an ugly place but you're so beautiful to me.

my stomach is somersaulting with nerves mingled with high anxiety right now. i am going to swallow my fear & convert it into fuel to drive me towards my goal. that doesn't sound right but i digress. i need to stop being chicken and thinking like a kid and just go for it. dude, i'm sitting here in my cube and it just smacks me in the face like a damn truck, i am the one who will need to make the first move. not her, but me. aaaaah!! but aaaaah in a good way, i think. YES! in a hella-great way! invite light / positivity / goodness in. leave the negative bs at the door, s'il vous plais. i'm gonna do it. i'm going to probably be beyond nervous and petrified but fuck it. if i don't do anything, how will i ever know?! this is the time that i shed the old me clothed in fear & apprehensions and just mother fucking do it.

hold your breath. close your eyes. just jump in the water's fine.

living with regret is something of the past. my past experiences cannot colour how i am going to live my life in the now. in the future. focus not on the outcome for if i do that i will surely fail but focus instead on surrounding myself with goodness and lightness and sour creamness! i'll be ok either way. i'm a big girl and open to all possibilities. whether i like them or not, i will have have the knowledge that i.did.it. small victories, baby, small victories.