wacky wednesday

just got back from barnes & noble. 11 o'clock and kind of wired after downing my beloved white chocolate mocha. i am seriously addicted to krishnamurti. he said not to focus our attention and needs on a leader but dammit this man's words make me salivate. i want more more more. i resisted the urge to spend though and walked out empty handed...now come friday, that's another story. i was able to jot down two passages that i want to further explore

1) Liberation from Ignorance & Sorrow:
No authority here or hereafter can give you knowledge of yourself, without self-knowledge there is no liberation from the ignorance; from the sorrow.

2) The Screen of Belief:
Belief is merely an escape from the fact of confusion; it doesn't help us to face & to understand the fact but to run away from the confusion we are in. So religion, which is an organized belief becomes a means of escape from 'what is' from the fact of confusion.

I agree completely with both statements. Without knowing me, I cannot know the world around me. I need to not just know but understand. understand and not judge. i find i am mentally chastising myself when judgmental thoughts creep into my psyche. will enough scoldings help me with this? or again is it just a cover up remedy? i've neglected myself for so long i am having trouble removing the barnacles. so much i have to get thru. so much i've yet to explore. am getting tired and forgetful. can i lie down and make it go away. surely not today. i wanna live. i wanna love. but have no faith in anything. if i can't love who i'm supposed to be, how can i ever truly be free. crappy day 1, me zero