i am hyphenated

i am hyphenated. it divides me. it connects my two halves. hispanic-american. hispanic first? by birth therefore by default, first. american. lived in this country since age three or four. can't recall. grew up not on plaza sesamo but sesame street. became gifted in the english language in class, on my street, watching tv, playing with the neighborhood kids. the same kids who asked if i was mixed. what did that mean? yes, i'm mixed. no, i'm not. not mixed in that sense but mixed in the same sense as millions of others. no clarification needed if you're part of this club.

arroz, frijoles, platanos, chuletas, baleadas. food that comforts me. food that competes with burgers, fries, chili dogs and starbucks for room in my ample belly. the best of both worlds; the worst of both worlds.

where am i going in life? in my head? is my country; yes, my country going backwards? has the progress made since the 1960's been for naught? will i ever come to terms with my two selves? the split forking of me reconcile and allow me to traverse both worlds? i want to glide fluidly between the two. exclusivity works only in romantic relationships. if i have kids will i show them the way of the old country? the country that gave birth to me. the country i don't know. mi historia no se termina aqui. todavia estoy escribiendola. adonde me llevara? nadie sabe. solo se qu mi vida se seguira desallorando aqui en los estados unidos. con flan a un lado y chocolate chip cookes on the other side.