the day after

i don't want to feel upset but i do. i feel angry, i feel lost, i feel frustrated, i feel inadequate. the sliver of world that had been cut for me since january has been unceremoniously yanked away. no time to grieve, no time to reflect, no time to miss- just say your awkward goodbyes and leave that bit behind. it's so damn quiet in this house. the silence only serves to amplify the din in my brain. i need time, i need time to mourn my loss. i need time to adjust to our new ways. i need to cry, i need to just go to sleep to keep from thinking about it.