shittles

i feel awful. i feel physically ill because i'm so sad. i hurt, i really do. been hurting since sat nite after we left the party early. coincidence? did alcohol contribute? more than likely yes. an immense sadness that brought tears to my eyes. i'm so sad, right now. i've smoked half a j already but it does nothing to lessen the pain. i'm gonna have to do it. not weed, not coffee, not tv but myself. how much longer can i put myself off? how much longer before my baby tires of me? fuck, i suck right now. i can honestly say i hate how i'm feeling and how i lash out at k and hate myself even more. i don't hate my life. my life is pretty sweet. why do i act so childish? to get attention, to play my role? (9:48am)

Why am I not happy? I have so much:

Loving and supportive wife
Roof over my head
Plenty to eat
Paid-off car
Electronics /video games
Weed
Stress-free ‘job’
A little bit of spending money
Loving family
Two cats

To name a few…so why am I like this? What goes in the hole? What is the right piece? (2:49pm)