i will take up arms

March 4, 2008. The day that may decide who will be the Democratic nominee for President. That nominee will have my vote. Yes, my vote. I will vote in November. Today my identity comes into focus after years of blurriness. Leaving Honduras as a toddler opened so many doors yet closed many as well. I wasn’t born in the States but I’ve felt American all my life. I’ve sung the national anthem, I’ve pledged allegiance to the Stars and Stripes, I’ve complained about government intrusion and complained about government not doing enough. I’ve applauded America’s triumphs and felt shame at our encroachments when we shouldn’t have involved ourselves. Through all these ups and downs though, I’ve been homeless. I couldn’t call the US my country but I could tell you all about its history. I could call Honduras my country but couldn’t tell you anything about its history. When I applied to become a citizen last July, I did so after years of vacillating and procrastinating. Finally today, I take my citizenship oath. The emotional rollercoaster that today represents has been going up, down and all around for a long while now. I’ll finally be able to belong. No longer the outsider doing insider things while not getting the end results. I’ll be able to vote and hold a federal job. I’d give up a thousand federal jobs just to make sure my vote counts. The corruption, the dirty politics, the empty promises mean nothing to me right now. I will be able to walk into the voting booth and have my voice heard. I am a girl with a country and that’s something I can’t belittle even on my most sarcastic, cynical days. It took me thirty years but its here now. Should this moment be more bittersweet? In effect, am I renouncing my Honduraness? Maybe a little but not too much. My heart will still beat for the blue and white with the 5 stars but through my veins have long flowed the red, white and blue. What will today’s ceremony look like? I know I’ll cry. My fellow immigrants and I will be forever linked together though we’ll never speak of that bond. I’ve been on the verge of tears for weeks now. A woman, an immigrant makes history today. A woman and son of an immigrant will as well. I’d say I’m in damn good company and very proud to call myself an American. The sky is overcast and heavy downpours are predicted. Come on mother nature, give us your best shot. Nothing, absolutely nothing can take away from today. My eyes don’t see clouds and gray, my sky is clear, blue and the sun is gently kissing me. The birds’ symphonies my soundtrack for today. Put it on repeat and enjoy freely.