the only possible way to ruin my wonderful weekend w/k is hearing news that f is moving back in. sitting in castillo de mexico, which honestly we will not return to, i received the dreaded call. he's only staying for a week my mom says. ha! surely she doesn't believe that one. one week will turn into 2, 3, then 4 then half a month, 2 months till he's back permanently planted on our couch. there's no way he's only staying for a week; especially with the holidays coming up. he's going to go and spend them alone?! dammit, give me some credit. when i objected, my mom's response? "you're barely here anyway." thanks mom. prize of the year goes to you. i guess my brother's, sister's & my feelings don't count. sure you were miserable with him. ok, so he treated you like his property and monopolized your time but all is forgiven because he's alone in this big, scary country and he promises to change. i told her if he moves in permanently i am out. why doesn't she value herself a bit more and leave his sorry ass. what happened to the strong, independent mom i knew. the one that left j? it's all quite disturbing and making me sad/upset. writing about it is making me feel somewhat better. i refuse to let this shit dictate how my sunday evening will go.
as usual, had another magical weekend with k. pretty much spent all week with her. slept over wednesday-saturday night. on friday she cooked some delicious lime chicken with scalloped potatoes & reisling fused peas. holy cow, my girl can cook! it was beyond yummy. she's beyond yummy. she's my refuge, my everything. saturday saw us at the cummer. love that we both have so many of the same interests. from politics, to books, movies, music (to a certain extent). we both love indie stuff and art of any form. the cummer is truly a gem and i'm so happy we went. saw some awe-inspiring art. renaissance, baroque, japanese wood prints. the gardens. oh the gardens. overlooking the st johns while holding my baby's hands. priceless. we're good for each other. today was supposed to be spent in san marco watching an indie flick,
short bus by john cameron mitchell but due to a "scheduling snafu", the 1 o'clock show was postponed until 9.45pm which unfortunately we can't make. instead we took a brisk walk around the town square, all the while trying to stay warm against the wind. took refuge in the gazebo in the center of the square and danced down memory lane listening to NKOTB on my phone. i love my phone!! things like singing along to donnie and the boys makes us happy. i love how simple we are. to finish off our sunday, we went to the 2nd worse mexican restaurant i've been to in the city. we should have known it was gonna suck cause the salsa for the chips blew. if the salsa blows, most assuredly the meal will too. hypothesis confirmed. oh well, all can't be winners.
sitting listening to garbage's new cd. specifically
bleed like me. we're all looking to see that blood. to see/to feel connected; alive. i need to plant my feet firmly on the ground. i need to have a stable home where i can be myself and do as i please. i thougth with f moving out i had found it. i don't want him back. i don't want him here. i need to move out. am i destined to keep postponing school and just work full time? i refuse. that is not an option. i wll not keep delaying school to accomodate yet another setback. i will meet any setbacks/obstacles head on and ram them out of my way. fuck that shit. i will not give in. nothing will impede my momentum. i'm saving my money and half way there. i will not, cannot give in. no matter how hard things "at home" get.
***14/11 update: according to reputable sources, f is now traveling on his way back to mexico. que tenga buen viaje y que no regrese!!***
