why am i awake so early!!!!??

oh joy. i'm working from home today and my body decides to be funny and wake me up in the pre-dawn hours. wtf?! it's still dark outside! although the sun teasingly is making its presence known.

maybe i shouldn't have had that cup of coffee at denny's last night. is the caffeine marking its territory and keeping me from slumbering? oh who knows. at this point, i have no choice but to stay up. i have to drop my girl off at work in about an hour's time, anyway.

speaking of my girl, she drove yesterday! she's so cute and i'm so proud of her. she drove from garden ridge to home and then from home to target. what what?! she'll be a pro before you know it. i love that she took the bull by its balls and went for it. sunday evenings are perfect for practicing driving.

so what am i going to do today? honestly, i hope to take it easy. maybe do some cleaning around the house,namely wash dishes because my super duper wife took care of pretty much everything else while i was working on saturday. damn, she's good and i really love her. she'll be up any minute now so i'll go surprise her by being up and on the laptop. hee hee

cran n vodka

shittles

i feel awful. i feel physically ill because i'm so sad. i hurt, i really do. been hurting since sat nite after we left the party early. coincidence? did alcohol contribute? more than likely yes. an immense sadness that brought tears to my eyes. i'm so sad, right now. i've smoked half a j already but it does nothing to lessen the pain. i'm gonna have to do it. not weed, not coffee, not tv but myself. how much longer can i put myself off? how much longer before my baby tires of me? fuck, i suck right now. i can honestly say i hate how i'm feeling and how i lash out at k and hate myself even more. i don't hate my life. my life is pretty sweet. why do i act so childish? to get attention, to play my role? (9:48am)

Why am I not happy? I have so much:

Loving and supportive wife
Roof over my head
Plenty to eat
Paid-off car
Electronics /video games
Weed
Stress-free ‘job’
A little bit of spending money
Loving family
Two cats

To name a few…so why am I like this? What goes in the hole? What is the right piece? (2:49pm)